A matter of perspective…

I felt that as one year closes and another year begins I wanted to share some health updates with you because they really have to do with perspective.

I have been going through so much that I’ve been so overwhelmed that crawling into a hole is not even enough.  My husband, best friends and brother feel like they don’t know everything because sometimes at these medical appointments so much happens it like a week takes place.  Only God knows that even I need to sit and digest it all with the Lord like did that just happen?  Turns out that second test, labs and all that junk show that I have a rare Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease. I would say IT that has been named but some of you like to know more so no you can do research with me because some docs don’t want to overwhelm…haha… ” Autoimmune inner ear disease (AIED) is a syndrome of progressive hearing loss and/or dizziness that is caused by antibodies or immune cells which are attacking the inner ear. In most cases, there is reduction of hearing accompanied by tinnitus (ringing, hissing, roaring) which occurs over a few months. Variants are bilateral attacks of hearing loss and tinnitus that resemble Meniere’s disease, and attacks of dizziness accompanied by abnormal blood tests for antibodies. About 50% of patients with AIED have symptoms related to balance (dizziness or unsteadiness). The immune system is complex and there are several ways that damages the inner ear. Since this mimics many other conditions it takes an experienced doctor to diagnose. ” (http://www.entnet.org/content/autoimmune-inner-ear-disease, http://american-hearing.org/disorders/autoimmune-inner-ear-disease-aied/,http://www.hearinglosshelp.com/articles.htm#balance_problems)   One of the most difficult things is that the inner ear controls balance, perception, sensory; in other words it is more than just hearing.  

Now there are many that talk about positive thinking and things like that and I agree with it if it works for you.  But for me Christ as made the difference for me since the very beginning and I cannot deny that because I honestly do not know where I would be and I think I would end it all if the Hope of Christ was not living and active in me. I mean there is a part of me that is like really more Lord, I already have health problems that people cannot see so they do not understand.  Now this just adds to it.  Or I can say woe is me one day I may not be able to hear, or speak, or see but why????   Right now I need to focus on what I can do.

Yes, I have been more tired these last two months than ever before but the doctor says rest is good.  Yes, people think I am a hermit because guess what I am.  After a flare I can’t drive so that makes me homebound and it is hard but I am asking God to Talk to me!!!  It is all a matter of Perspective.  I need to write!  I need to put this book together and stay put for once in my life, without guilt!  I need to focus on being creative for the sake of expression.  I think being home, disabled and handicapped for me has meant that i have to still be useful but at this moment I am forced to rest.  My body is demanding it from me not just because of my other conditions and we must remember that to Love God and Neighbor is also to Love ourselves.  The one that is hardest to do for at least half of society remember it is all a matter of perspective.  I am choosing in this to see how God would be glorified.

At the moment, I am listening to the music that my friends of FB suggested as a must listen to in case I do lose my hearing in the next year or so.  I am trying to stay calm since this is connected to our emotions more than we realize.  So, the next time you see me and I seem in your words seem ______ maybe I am having an attack which means I am either in pain, dizzy, or nausea or even all three but guess what I will not complain.  If anything I will tell you I have a headache which is probably true because that is usually the case; so next time you actually see me out because now that will be my adventure pray for me.  I am doing my Best to stay connected to the source of my life and listening like never before  right now its’ my Yolanda Adams song for it truly is my anthem asking for God to Be the Lover of my Soul, the
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Captain of my Sea ….Alone in a room, it’s just me and You

I feel so lost ’cause I don’t know what to do
Now what if I choose the wrong thing to do
I’m so afraid, afraid of disappointing You

So I need to talk to You and ask You for Your guidance
Especially today when my life is so cloudy
Guide me until I’m sure
I open up my heart, oh, yeah

My hopes and dreams are fading fast
I’m all burned out and I don’t think my strengths gonna last
So I’m crying out, crying out to You
Lord, I know that You’re the only one who is able to pull me through

So I know I need to talk to You and ask You for your guidance
Especially today, when my world seems so cloudy
Lord, guide me until I’m sure
I open up my heart, oh, yeah, yes I do

So show me how to do things Your way
Don’t let me make the same mistakes over and over again
Your will be done and I’ll be the one to make sure that it’s carried out
And in me, I don’t want any doubt, that’s why

I want to talk to You (yes I do) and ask You for Your guidance
Especially today, when my world seems just a little bit cloudy
Lord, You can guide me through that’s why I open up
I open up my heart, my heart, my heart, my heart

Read more: Yolanda Adams – Open My Heart Lyrics | MetroLyrics