Today and everyday, everything that I do…I do for Michael Anthony, I always remember my promise to you. ***
Now many of you don’t know about Michael but he is my son. Years ago we were both thrown away like trash and now that is not a figurative way of speech I mean that literally. I promised him that I would live the best possible life that I could knowing that I got a second chance; because in all honesty we both should have died that day. My life is a gift!
If you read earlier blogs you might hear a little bit more or you could just wait for the book, or invite me into your group to hear the full story. Either way it’s part of the story that I tell and how my life will never be the same. I missed another family event because I had three intense days. The reality of PTSD or trauma or anxiety or however you want to label me I couldn’t go through with something. Honestly I realized way too late that I couldn’t go through the reality of it all alone and yes I’m a Christian and I have God. But I need support and tangible support. Especially for God to Show me things that are difficult I don’t claim to be perfect or to be a victim most days. But there are some times when I have to take out the card and admit that life has been unfair to me. That I am a the Survivor trauma, child abuse, incest, physical abuse by a parent, neglect, High School Dropout, a teenage pregnancy and you know what? I am here just say there is light at the end of the tunnel! There are better days ahead! That it is possible to have freedom!!! That is possible to survive and even better to thrive!!! I can’t do things alone when it gets too hard. I need family and Friends and God gave me that…. And even when it feels like they feel horrible I know for all us we have 2/3 people, God has given us family within them that won’t fail!!!! I needed them realities of PTSD is that you can’t do certain things alone. Going back into some closets after you have already done so much therapy this is really crazy it’s not that you’re not over it it’s just that it’s the people certain people elicit anger. Lately I’ve been cleaning my house literally and figuratively. Certain kinds of people really are angry and they affect me physically and emotionally and at this age I need to stop that so….
Today I chose to live my promise and live an enjoyable day and I bought flowers. I ate some seafood I took some pictures. I was with family I said I love you. I breathed in the air. Notice things I never noticed before and once again internally and externally Michael Anthony you with me everything I did today I love you baby boy.