These days as my life changes once again it is hard to imagine. How can our hearts be joyful again? I have heard myself say countless times since those dreadful days of August 2006, Infertility came into our home and our marriage has never been the same. I know I may be wrong to some for calling it a mistress but that is how it has felt. When church sweethearts dream, love and know better no longer fit in. Especially,when they were already too unique to fit in. When they cannot find there way, when life becomes more upside down and God becomes truly your only friend. The elephant in the room is they are the 1 in 4 couple! Now the church is not there for us; even if WE are the pastors BECAUSE THAT IS WEIRD!!! The mistress is infertility because who knows? Who is pretending not to know, Who Dares to ask? Forget adoption?
So much hurt, damage, the question of procreation, support, family?
And now years later a new book is being written Angel is trying to pastor, create, minister and heal. And, well you know I am here writing trying to make sense of it all. Perceiving, like a mosaic sharing the pieces of my life together and weaving the love. My heart can be joyful because God has been the lover of my soul! God is my all. God has been with me and is with me and maybe I am insane but I know He has beautiful plans for me. Ones that I cannot even begin to dream. This move is just one little step of faith into a BIG FUTURE!!! We LIMIT the PLANS OF GOD. EVEN OURSELVES. I really do not need MUCH I JUST NEED GOD, A home, find a church I feel like the rest will follow. So, I may not have survived this mistress but I think she taught us a lot; about ourselves, marriage, life, family, the other and I learned a lot about me. So, thank you but here is to JOY in life and especially in the LORD!